I need
I need someone to sit with me while I work it all out.
I need someone to not give advice, ask questions, or make judgements.
I need someone who is okay not fixing anything.
I need hours of listening, especially if none of it makes sense, keep listening.
I need an entire day of someone’s time, at a time when someone’s day is never theirs anyways.
I need to sit somewhere quiet, for hours, and discuss everything I think is wrong and things I’m confused about.
I can’t do that alone. I need someone to do it with me.
And why does it feel like this is an impossible request?
No one has that kind of time.
And maybe I’m too ashamed to really do it.
Because sometimes I go in circles and I don’t make sense.
And thats the point. I need to get it out.
Only to go, okay that’s fine and it actually doesn’t make sense. Or it does. Or some of it does, and some doesn’t.
That’s all fine.
I just need it.
The truth is the pandemic changed me and Edmonton did, too.
Maybe I’m not cut out for the city anymore.
And maybe that’s fine. But that changes a lot of options in my life.
And if so, what does that mean for my career?
What does it mean for returning?
What does it mean for the friendships that fell apart?
What does it mean if I stay?
What does it mean if I go back?
Who cares?
Obviously, me.
All I know is, I hate this noise. It never stops and I can’t get a break. I need a side street. I need the wind and I need peace.
Because right now I can’t breathe.
And I don’t know what to do.
